happy birthday baby girl

Happy first birthday to the sweetest girl in the world.
My phone was bombarded with lovely and loving messages all for you. You are loved so much by so many.
The world became a much better and brighter place to a lot of people a year ago today.
Love you sweet girl, cheers to many many many more

xo
mommy

a baby tonight, a toddler in the morning

I laid you down a baby, tomorrow you will wake a one year old. Wow.

I cried carrying you upstairs, knowing that tomorrow you're officially a toddler. How quickly a year has passed and how much you've changed my life in ways I will never begin to explain or fully comprehend.

You are growing more intelligent by the day. You've started saying "uh-oh" just over the weekend and are trying to copy other things we say too. It's amazing watching you hear something and think about how you can recreate that sound.

Within the last week you have started letting go while you're standing up. You usually only stand for a second or two but we can see you getting more brave. You don't seem very interesting in walking, maybe that's because you crawl so fast. But there's lots of time for that.

So so much has happened during the last year. We watched you grow from this tiny helpless baby girl to this independent little toddler. You are so friendly and so very sweet. You love giving kisses and your daddy and I just love getting them. 

You have filled out our home with toys and little girl clothes and you have filled out hearts with a love we never knew could exist. 

As much as I struggle with the fact that the last year flew by, I look forward to all of the memories we will make, all the moments we will share, and all of the joy I know you will continue to bring into our lives.

I remember getting pregnant, we were obviously very excited, and when you arrived we knew life would never be the same. But no one could have ever prepared me for how deep my love for you is, how complete it is, how unshakable. I guess that is one of those things you truly cannot begin to understand until you become a parent. Until you fall in love with your child. 

One year ago tomorrow you came into this world and made it a better place. One year ago tomorrow my heart changed in a way I never thought possible. One year ago tomorrow you made me a mother and I now know, that this is what I was meant to be: your mom.

I love you Annabelle. Your dad and I both love you so much. 

Sweet dreams sweet girl for in the morning you will be one and we start a whole new year of wonderful!

xo

the park

today you went to the park for the first time. You went in a swing, went down the slide and walked around the playground (with mommy's help) all for the first time. You did it all with a smile on your face (as if you would do it any other way).

It was a beautiful day, made more beautiful by your happy smile. 

We took you out for dinner and you were hamming it up like you always do! I'm so thankful I only had to work one day last week and that our first weekend together is a long one! 

You and I still have another day together before I go back to work, so we will make it count! Maybe another trip to the park, or walk around the neighborhood. Either way, I know you'll be smiling and so will I.

Love you my sweet girl. xo

mommy

it's not always easy but it's always worth it

For the most part, I've keep my letters to you very positive and upbeat. I don't want you to think that being a parent is easy, it isn't. But I also don't want you to look back one day and think that I, for a second, did not love being your mom. Parenting is hard. Some days I'm exhausted. There are times when I lose my patience (by the time you're able to read this, I'm sure you'll be well aware of that). I am constantly trying to be a better person for you but that isn't always easy either.

Some days, I truly doubt that I am a good parent. Like the time I zipped up your skin in a vest (you still have a scar). I literally called your dad and said that you deserve a better mom than me. It was an accident (obviously) but I just felt so awful that I had hurt you even though it was completely unintentional. It still stings me a little every time I catch a glimpse of that scar.
Or the times I've cursed because you've bit me while nursing and you started to cry. I scared you. Then I felt so awful but still yelped the next time you bit me and you still cried.
I also get stressed out about all of the things that need to get done and on a time-frame (again,  you're likely well aware of this by now). I'm working on chilling out (thankfully you have your dad to balance me out) but it isn't always easy for me.

Then, there are days like today. Today was an awesome day. Today felt easy. I have written before about days that I dreamed about, today was one of those days. I loved every second of it and you were amazing (you always are, but particularly awesome today!).
I took you out for breakfast, we did some shopping, then went out for dinner with grandma Leslie. You went to bed like a dream and were happy from the minute you woke up until I laid you down for bed. I enjoyed it all.

I cried reading you your bedtime story. I am going to miss this so much. I am having such a hard time thinking about going back to work next week. I don't know what I am going to do when I don't get to spend my days with you. Yes, there are times I absolutely long for a break, but I'd rather have no breaks than miss you. I am going to miss you so much. Sure, I'll be getting you up early, picking you up after work, feeding you and putting you to bed but I won't get to play with you as much as I want during the day. There will be times where you have "firsts" at daycare and I already know it'll be so hard for me.

You make it easy to love you and so hard to miss you.

All of the rough days, all of the frustrating moments, no matter how many times I feel like I want to pull my hair out... and then you smile or laugh, the kind you do just for me and it makes it ALL worth it.
I wouldn't trade a second with you for anything.
Thankfully, you've liked the time you've already spent in daycare and I know you're in good hands. But they aren't MY hands.

I'll try and stay a little positive here, I am going to try my hardest to make EVERY second of our weekends together count and every other moment we have together. I will try to not rush, to slow things down, to enjoy it all, no matter how hard. And when I can't, I have your daddy and you to remind me.

I love you so much sweet girl and I wouldn't be going back if I didn't have to and deep down I know we will still have so many special moments together.

All my heart,
mommy

Party Girl

This past weekend was a busy one and included your one year pictures (adorable) as well as your VERY FIRST birthday party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You were SPOILED! There were TONS of people here and everyone had lots of fun. Most importantly, you were a star! You were happy, smiling and laughing pretty much all day. You kept the whole party entertained the way you held and looked and smiled at each and every card and gift. It was absolutely precious. You are precious.

I will write a sappy, I-can't-believe-you're-almost-one post later (it's the night before I go back to work, I can't end up crying like a complete lunatic). 

In short, it was a wonderful party, the gifts were plentiful, and you (as usual) were amazing.

I'll never be able to adequately convey my love for you, but I love you so so so much.

this is it

With a very heavy heart, I will be returning to work tomorrow. Today was my actual return date, but you had other plans apparently. You spent the majority of yesterday morning crying uncontrollably. Since you don't EVER cry, I knew something wasn't right. No matter what I did, I couldn't calm you. Off to the clinic we went and you were diagnosed with a double ear infection. Poor girl. You started antibiotics right away and seem to be on the mend.

I think you just needed another day with your mommy.

Seeing you in pain like that was absolutely gut-wrenching. I hated every second of it and wish I could have traded you places.  I am glad I didn't wait to take you in to the clinic and I am also very happy the medication started working so quick.

So tomorrow morning we will begin our new routine. I know we will figure it out, it may take some time but we'll get it.

I also know you'll be a star at daycare, you always are. I'm more worried about me! How on earth can I be away from you so much? I'm not sure my heart can take it.

Know this little pumpkin, I will be missing you every second of every day that you are not with me.

I love you more than anything sweet girl.

mommy
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and then there was a little girl

When did you turn into a little girl?
Seriously, this is crazy! I swear with each day I can literally see you growing and your mind expanding. You're quickly developing an ever-expanding list of things you can do. It is honestly amazing to watch but scary at the same time.
You now love to empty your bag of blocks and then fill the bag back up. You also love to climb (so we have to watch you closely), especially the stairs - you're actually getting really good at it but not quite ready to learn how to get back down.
I can see you watch things so closely and it's almost as if you're trying to figure it out. I know I am biased, but you're so smart. You catch on to things so quickly.
I just wanted to write this quickly, as I watch you play with your toys. It's not playing like it was last week, it's a new kind of play. You're no longer just throwing things around (though you still do that too) but you're really trying to figure it out. My baby is turning into a little girl.

BUT you are still my baby.

Love you sweet girl

mommy

Sickie

You've had a fever the last two days. It's heartbreaking but you're still pretty happy.

The doctor's office said it's likely a virus and as long as Tylenol and Advil are working and you're eating okay not to worry. Easier said than done. 

Having a sick child is the worst! I just want to take all of your pain away. Even if it means I have to take it myself. Sadly, there's no trading. So today (and yesterday) I let you nap on me. 

I hope you're feeling better come morning.

It certainly doesn't help that you're getting two molars and two canine teeth right now! My poor girl!

I love you sweet girl xo